i love accidental penises.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
