i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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