i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
