I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
