I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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