I'm going to jail i love you
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
