I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Green mimosas i think yes
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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