If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
not ubering you a puppy
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
