Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
