Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
