Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize