I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
