I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
