I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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