I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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