I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
