I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
