:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
