next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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