after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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