i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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