I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
