why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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