I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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