i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
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