i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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