Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
