two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
