3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Girls should come with a carfax report
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
