That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
