where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
