Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
