That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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