Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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