someone get that fucking seahorse.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
