Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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