A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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