I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
