I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
