Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
