so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
