Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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