Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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