She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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