you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
