No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
