The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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