We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
