google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my being single is dangerous.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
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