my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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