your thong is hanging out like whoa
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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