I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
