That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
