it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
