They should really pass out barf bags in church
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
