What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
