i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize