Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
3 2 1 whiskey
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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