i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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