chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
