Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
