they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
