I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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