im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
