i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
