i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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