guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
