Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
