this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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