Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
