I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
