i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize