Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
