I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
