Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
