I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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