check it out our google latitudes are spooning
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
