Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
