sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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