Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
