I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
