Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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