I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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