my being single is dangerous.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
