He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
