I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
