Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
