gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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