beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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