matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize