FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
