she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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