Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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