i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
