Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I've blown a few things in my day
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
