How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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