Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We have started to decorate penises.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
