I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
