I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize