and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
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