i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
