those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
