hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
