Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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